1:00PM
“I know you don’t care about me at all. You’re probably kissing her and having sex with her,” she said to me before leaving the bed and walking out of the room.
Over the last few years, I have thought about being in an open relationship, not so much as I wanted to have sex with everyone, but more than anything, I wanted to have the freedom to do what I wanted to do (in general) and also give the other person freedom to do what she wanted to do. A few times, I’ve met women that I really liked and then when it came down to the issue of being exclusive with them, I didn’t want it and she did and it led to a lot of heartbreak on both sides.
While I still maintain that I can love many people at the same time and that I’m trying to love more and more people all the time, I’m starting to think about the practical implications of relationships more and more. For example, we’re now in quarantine and not sure when things are going to be opened up. I remember hearing that some states were talking about choosing 10 people with whom you would quarantine—larger than your family but not everyone. Some people were saying how difficult that would be to do from a social standpoint: which friends do I choose and will they also choose me?
I think about being in a romantic relationship, or really, any relationship in life and start to think about the limited resources we have. While having love or good feelings for someone could theoretically be unlimited, other items aren’t. For example, there are only 24 hours in the day, and if I’m asleep for 8 of them, then I only have 16 waking hours to do things. If I’m working for 8 of those, then I only have 8 free ones, again, theoretically. Realistically, I may only have a few hours to hang out with people per day. If there’s two people, maybe I can manage it. If there are 10 people (again, not romantic partners, just people, friends, colleagues, etc.), then I may only be able to manage it if everyone were in the same location. Add in travel time and it becomes impossible. And even if they’re in the same location, I only have so much energy to focus on conversation—I can’t converse with everyone at the same time. I can’t dance with everyone at the same time, I can’t do many things with everyone at the same time.
So time and attention are limited. So is money. If there are birthdays coming up, or worse, someone gets in trouble, I only have a limited resource of money to help people. If they need someone to help them move furniture, I only have a limited resource of strength per day to pick up heavy things.
While I don’t think that one should dedicate all of their energy, money, resources, time, and attention to one person (we are social beings after all), I’m starting to see the benefits to focusing and reducing. After all, I’m quite minimalist in many of the things I own, believing that if I own too much, then I have more to take care of and am spending most of my time and money on maintaining things that I barely use.
I believe we can love everyone and yet am starting to see how we have to make choices with our limited resources. Which company to build, which movie to watch, which friends to hang out with, which person to date, build a life with.
Love is infinite but life isn’t?
1:10PM
