9:00AM
Can one be too open? Can one share too much information with someone?
I heard someone say TMI the other day, which stands for “too much information,” and normally someone says that after they say personally revealing information, sometimes more than what the other person may have wanted to hear. It got me thinking about whether it’s possible for us to share too much information, to overburden someone with something they didn’t want to hear.
If I tell someone what’s going on in my life, they may not want to hear it. If I don’t tell someone what’s going on in my life, they way want to hear it. If they ask how I’m doing and I say “good,” they may feel annoyed that I didn’t go deeper. If they ask how I’m doing and I tell them the depths of my despair, they may feel annoyed that I told them things that are now going to make them worry.
How do we gauge what someone wants to hear? Should we ask permission to say anything before we say it? Or only sometimes ask people permission? If I’m going to tell someone that I love them and they don’t want to hear it, should I ask them first if I can say it? Seems weird. What about if I want to tell someone about how much they’ve hurt me? Should I then ask? Or maybe worse, tell them about a situation which may be vulgar and gross to many, should I then ask permission?
I’ve long been aware that asking someone a question can force them to open up in ways that they may not want to, even if they don’t answer the question. If I ask you, “When you think about your body, what’s one thing that currently makes you feel ashamed?” You may not answer out loud, but just by reading that question, you may have an answer rise in your body, and you may not have wanted that. Perhaps it’s why, before asking a question, we often ask people, “May I ask you a question?”
I’m starting to learn that merely saying something can also get people to open up without them wanting to, or getting them to feel something against their desire. If I describe how a friend of mine was drugged by a man she met at the bar and next thing she knows, she woke up naked next to two men in an apartment in the middle of nowhere and they were forcing sex upon her, it may force you to feel the pain of the situation or bring up memories you may have related to it.
Even after just describing that story without a forewarning, I feel a bit of guilt. It’s like a hit you with an emotional sledgehammer without giving you a heads up it was coming.
I wonder how we can preface things and how much we have to. I wonder how much we have to ask other people’s permission to say things. What if I ask them and they say no? Do I then not get to say what I really wanted to say?
I think some of these things are very simple and yet so challenging to comprehend. I don’t know the answer.
9:10AM
