5:00PM
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to resolve conflict through peaceful means.”
—Ronald Reagan
I would create another version of it as well:
“Love is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to resolve conflict through loving means.”
I heard someone talk about connection and togetherness earlier today, about the drive to belong, and a part of me felt disconnected from her as she said it. I felt somewhat annoyed or overwhelmed as I heard her talk about many of the things I’ve talked about over the last few years. Was it that I felt jealous of her being having strong fashion sense and being accomplished? Possibly. Was it that I felt tired of hearing author after author tell me their theory of the world? Perhaps. Was it also that I just have this weird relationship to the concept of connection? Yes.
In hearing her speak, I was reminded that I have similar feelings when I read about almost anyone talk about connection. I don’t seem to like connection for connection’s sake. Or something about it just seems to repel me. Maybe it feels too soft, too touchy-feely, too mushy. I’m not sure, but something about love for love’s sake seems to make me want to flee.
I think maybe it comes from my experience living in California and Colorado, surrounded by many people in the New Age spirituality space. I often felt frustrated when people in that space would speak, because it seemed as if they only wanted to feel “good” emotions, and didn’t mention the negative ones. I remember going to an event called T-group in Boulder, Colorado, and how relieved I felt when someone there said a swear word. I felt my body relax and my soul say, “Yes, thank God.”
I believe life is meant to be lived full spectrum. The highs, lows, and everything in between. I, for some reason, seem to feel attracted to many of the lows. The books I like to read are about how people end up doing evil things, the seminars I like to take are from martial artists and self-defense instructors who have seen much conflict, the stories I soak up are often from military veterans who have seen the full depth of humanity.
As I started this entry, I believe that love is not the absence of conflict, or the absence of hate, indifference, numbness, etc., but rather, the ability to resolve those through loving means. Love is the glue that binds us in our ability to resolve conflict. Love is our ability to resolve conflict and come back together.
For some reason, I like to talk about the hard stuff. Not that I feel good when I do, but something about it challenges me and gives me a raison d’etre. I don’t really want to feel closer to someone, I want to feel less distant.
I wonder if I’m the only one who thinks this way.
5:10PM
