I think I spend a lot of my time trying to understand others. I try to understand what they’re thinking, what they want, who they are. And more often than not, I fail—which makes me try even harder. I want to get them, to agree, to have that aha moment. And yet it so often eludes me.
This happens in all sorts of relationships—with family, romantic partners, friends, coworkers, etc—and in all sorts of topics—politics, business, religion, culture, habits, etc.
In the last few days, I’ve struggled to understand two of my friends, who have, what seem to be, polar opposite political perspectives. More specifically, one of them despises Trump and the other is very grateful that he is president—or so it seems, again, I still don’t think I’m understanding it well.
I want to know why someone despises the man so much. Yes, I disagree with many of his behaviors and yes I do not think his skills and abilities are the kind that I want to see in someone in that position. I strongly don’t want him in that position. And yet, I don’t despise the man, I think he just would be happier in life and make most of us a lot happier in life if he were in a different role in society. However, for my friend, it seems (again, I don’t know) as if he believe he is the devil incarnate.
On the opposite side, my other friend seems to defend his every move. Yes, I think Trump has certain policies and behaviors that have helped the country, or rather, I could see how someone would believe that. I don’t understand how he doesn’t seem to see any faults with Trump. I mean, I believe we all make mistakes, we all have strengths and weaknesses, we all succeed and fail on different things. And yet he doesn’t appear to believe that—again, I could be very wrong.
Maybe the solution isn’t for me to understand them, but to love them. I think the two actually oppose each other sometimes. As I try to understand someone, I try to be certain about who they are—I try to own them, in a weird way. However, when I try to love them, I try to let go of our differences and appreciate them for our similarities—I try to embrace them.
Maybe this approach of trying to connect with them, instead of trying to know them, will help me feel closer to them. At the end of the day, I’ll never know anyone, but I sure hope to love them anyway—or at least try.
