I haven’t slept well in, well, a very long time. And I’m ashamed to admit it. You see, having worked specifically on emotions for the last eight years, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the role model, the example of a emotionally healthy person. And yet, 1) I sometimes don’t know what that means, and 2) I still, for whatever reason, don’t sleep well.
Like this morning, for example. I woke up, ignored two alarms, hit snooze two or three times, came downstairs to grab my computer to head to the basement, my dad said good morning and I grumbled back to him as I proceeded to setup for this writing. I grumble a lot in the morning—I’m not a “morning person” as they’d say—and I think it’s because I don’t sleep well. If I slept soundly—“slept like a rock,” or my favorite, lala fofofo, which I think is Swahili for sleep like a log, or something that means deep deep sleep—then I think I would feel a lot more relaxed, excited, and energized in the mornings. Instead, I often wake up feeling groggy, frustrated, and annoyed, and for any poor soul who encounters my path, they often receive the brunt of my projection.
So why don’t I sleep well? Perhaps it’s the lack of routine. As I travel a lot amongst time zones, I often have to switch my circadian rhythm. Also, some nights I’ll work on something late until the evening and then not be forced to wake up early.
Maybe it’s that I use my phone too late. That before I’m going to bed, I get caught up in a discussion with a friend who’s in a different timezone and is wide awake, and my heart starts pumping and I get too excited.
Perhaps it’s that I feel ashamed for not having “done enough” throughout the day, not having helped save the world enough.
Perhaps I get too excited for an idea and what I will do the next day–like a kid waiting for Santa to arrive the next day.
I don’t know.
I think one of the things we can do to help our loved ones the most is to sleep well. One of the most common questions we ask people is, “How did you sleep?” If I ask that to someone and they reply, “Poorly,” then I feel horrible. It makes me question what’s going on in their life, what undue stress they have, if I have somehow contributed to that stress, and may increase insecurity on my part.
However, if I ask them and they say, “I slept like a dream,” then I may feel a deep sense of relief, gratitude, and joy for them.
I think we often forget how much our emotions blend into others. Maybe I should focus on sleep more.
