You will come across many blogs that claim that the following 17 things will save your life. Or 7.5 simple signs that you will tell you if your relationship is headed for trouble. Or the one word that is holding you back from enlightenment.
This is not one of those blogs.
My friend asked me the other day if I were going to put more you‘s into the posts and less I‘s. At first I thought that I should and then almost immediately after I realized that I have a different style.
After Michael Brown was shot in Ferguson, my friends and I organized an event in Oakland called “How do we feel about Ferguson?” In the process of organizing, we had a disagreement about how to structure the discussion. I wanted to participate in a one-on-one conversation on stage with a black male friend of mine and have us each go deep into the emotions that we have personally experienced during racial interactions in our lives. A few other people wanted to structure the conversation so that people in the audience would go through The Work that Reconnects by Joanna Macy in order to reach collective healing. In the end, we decided to do a little bit of both and the event was a very powerful experience.
Inspiration vs Empowerment
It wasn’t until after the event, when discussing with a close friend, that I realized why I was so adamant for the one-on-one conversation. She helped me realize that the group facilitated process was about empowerment and my process was about inspiration.
Precisely.
I wanted to have the one-on-one conversation NOT to be selfish and to hog the stage. Frankly, I was more terrified than anything to actually have that conversation, not only in public, but in such a diverse place as Oakland with emotions running so high. However, I believed that my friend and I would have the courage to go to the places that very few other people were going in public or even private discussions. To expose our fear, our insecurity, our sadness, our pain…our vulnerability and helplessness in addressing race in the US. The goal was to be an example and to inspire others to engage in similar conversations.
How I think empowerment misses the mark
This may be a tangent, but so be it. For me, empowerment is a very other-focused activity. It is the root of most aid programs and other programs for the less advantaged. The problem I saw while working for 1.5 years in economic development in Tanzania is that we were trying to address other people’s problems in lieu of addressing our own problems. I have seen this lead to at least two things:
- Hypocrisy
- Blame
- Power-only
Hypocrisy.
Human see, human do. If I am trying to empower you to be an activist and yet when a protest comes, you don’t see me courageously leading the way, how much courage do you think you would have?
Blame.
“It’s not my problem, it’s yours, you need to fix it, oh, and I can help you fix it because I have so much experience with it.” I’m from Michigan and occasionally the sarcasm will fire out of my mouth like fire from a dragon. The sarcasm in this case comes from a deep frustration I feel when I see other people blaming another side, as has been the the tit-for-tat blame game I have witnessed between whites and blacks in the Detroit area my whole life. When I am working with someone to solve their problem, it is easy for me to forget that I probably have the exact same problem.
Power only.
Furthermore, it is about putting people into a specific state of being, namely power, and not the more broad sense of breathing life into them.
Our leaders inspire
Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world and he was that change for India. Martin Luther King, Jr. lead bravely through tremendous strain and fear and changed the course of American history. Abraham Lincoln lived a life of forgiveness as he led the nation through unbearable death and reunification.
I humbly acknowledge that I have no idea what problems you are facing, nor do I know how to fix them. I don’t even know how to fix my own.
For me, this blog is about detailing my journey to breathe life into myself in the hopes that it will breathe life into you.