Transcript
Hello, everyone. Welcome to another DailyJim. It is Wednesday, January 31st 2024 and it is still the same day and not recording after midnight. Um I wanted to talk about a lot of things today, so maybe in the future I will record earlier so that I don't have so many ideas coming through my mind. Um The one I want to talk about today is, how often we can be afraid of quote unquote good feelings or good things, especially good feelings. So, I was thinking about a previous relationship or interactions rather, who knows? We never were quote unquote an official relationship. But uh that's a whole another conversation. Um which is a phrase I say all the time. Um What I wanted to say is that, um the person said they just wanted, this woman said she just wanted to feel good things and only be around people who made her feel good things. And what I've noticed with her and with other people in our, in my life is that. Sometimes the people who say they just want to feel good things are actually terrified of feeling good things because sometimes if we feel good things in the past when we felt those good things, then we got hurt. So feeling the really good thing means a lot of pain is about to come. So I think a lot of times we start to distrust uh good feelings, whatever you define as good. Um We start to, that's why I don't like calling it good or bad feelings because I think sometimes we have relationships to these feelings, uh, that, uh, we either consider them good or bad based on our situations and helpful or not helpful. For example, maybe joy is, you know, we consider a good feeling. But if the last time you felt an extreme amount of joy, uh, you got robbed because you let your guard down or you got raped because you let your guard down or, uh, the person became really depressed and left you or you, uh, maybe you saw somebody and then they moved out of town. Um, and now where you're going, you're seeing them the problem sometimes with feeling, quote unquote the good feelings, the joy, the excitement, the gratitude, the safety, the comfort is that, when those things aren't there, it can really hurt. Um, and sometimes those feelings disappear, not disappear, but rather sometimes the, the stimulus that is bringing some of those feelings just moves on and, and goes to a different place. You know, maybe it's a break up in a relationship or sometimes it's something like death.
I mean, I was walking through the store today and I saw a book that I used to read when I was a kid that it was like the first book I read a Dr Seuss book with my mom. My mom passed away a little over a year ago. And so I'm still thinking about her. I was in the house earlier today and something happened. Um, I think something fell on the floor and it was kind of like a rubber, not a rubber, like a plastic hitting the floor. It reminded me of when I was a kid and I used to play with this, this bowling ball, this like plastic bowling ball instead of plastic bowling pins in that same house just a few feet away. And so the sadness and the joy and the bittersweetness can kick in really quick years. And yeah, I mean, I, when was the last time I played with those toys when I was four, we're talking maybe 34 years ago. So sometimes when we have that joy, when we have that connection to something, when the thing is no longer there, it can really hurt and we become really afraid, of some of these feelings. Maybe it's not just sadness, maybe it's anger because maybe something took that thing away from you. You're that person. Um, maybe it's anger at some of our own behaviors because maybe the person left because we think we did something that contributed to it. Um Maybe like if we got robbed, we were angry at what we did. We say we're angry at ourselves, but often we're just maybe angry at the behaviors that we did or didn't do. Um, but regardless things that make us just afraid of.
The things we say we want, you know, it shocks me when I talk to people and they seem to be in a happy relationship, quote unquote, happy relationship, um, or things seem to be going well, and they're like, no, he doesn't, the person doesn't like me. Obviously they don't care about me. I think it's just a trick. They're just using me, like, really? Oh, I remember doing an exercise with this girl once, uh, we didn't practice rejection and when I pretended to be the guy that she liked and I rejected her, she was like, oh, she actually responded quite well. She told me how she felt. She told me how she thought I was feeling and then she ended with love. She connected with love and I was like, whoa. And then we did one on acceptance where, um, I accepted her advance and she was totally not doing well with it. She was, I think you're, I was like, how do you, how do you feel right now? She said, I think you're a liar. I was like, huh? And it's like, ok, how do you imagine I might feel right now, I think you're feeling disingenuous. And I was like, oh, OK. And so I think there can, we can when we get hurt from things that we really love and we really feel, feel strongly for a really intense connection. So, I mean, the whole variety of emotions, um when we get hurt, uh when these things leave, sometimes we can. Develop more and more fear towards feeling that level of attachment or closeness again because we're afraid that it's too good to be true. It'll never, it won't last very long and it's going to hurt.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, everything everyone will leave us or we'll leave because we'll pass away. And, I hope that gives us a little more courage to enjoy it while it's here because yeah, it's going to hurt. But.
So does all the fear. Fear causes us a lot, at least causes me a lot of anxiety and stress and tightness and, and, and uh really doesn't feel good in my body for too long, you know, could really wreak havoc on it. So, so yeah, just that's the one I want to talk about today. It was just this idea that we think we all want to live this happy life and that we're all looking for joy and peace and this and a lot of times we're actually afraid of those things because if we get them, they remind us. Aha. Last time we had this, it was great until it wasn't. And I don't want those bad quote, unquote, bad feelings. So I'm not gonna have the good feelings. I'm gonna make the good feelings, bad feelings. That's what it is. It's almost like good feelings. Stop being good, we stop desiring the things that we think we would desire. We just see almost all feelings as bad. Anger is bad. Sadness is bad. Uh Fear is bad, but joy is bad because joy leads to sadness and fear and anger and, and safety is bad because that leads to all those as well and, and being too relaxed is bad because if I let my guard down, then I'm going to get hurt. So, et cetera, et cetera. But what if we went the other way instead of turning good feelings into bad feelings? We did bad feelings into good feelings and that it was that we like the joy so much that we actually can like the sadness too, and we can like the anger and the frustration and confusion and uncertainty and fear and anxiety and, appreciate them instead of demonize them. So what if we went the other way and uh started to appreciate all the feelings instead of even demonizing the, the quote unquote good ones. So anyways, it's cold. I should probably get going now. But uh hopefully, I hope that y'all appreciated this or at least felt something because even if you didn't appreciate it, if you felt angry or annoyed or confused, I hope you learned something. I hope about yourself about me, about life and I hope you appreciate it at a meta level if that makes sense. All right, take care.
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