DailyJim: Some people would rather die than ask for financial help

Hello everyone, welcome to another Daily Gym. Today is the episode, today is Wednesday, November 20th, 2024, and let's do a more controversial topic.

Some people would rather die than ask for financial help. Maybe I've talked about this before, but sometimes we can rehash the same topics. I think for many of us, the fear of asking for financial help is so high that many of us would rather die than ask for that help. Many of us would rather steal or do really illegal things, maybe rob a bank than ask for that help. Many of us might even, or some of us might even be more willing to kill than to ask for financial help. Why?

I think it can be really hard to ask for any type of help. When we ask somebody, they can say yes, they can say no, they can not say anything. And if they do say yes, sometimes they say yes and they don't really want to say yes. So then we can worry that they will be resentful or angry at us for tricking them into saying yes, for making them feel guilty and that they said yes. Guilt tripping another way. And so some people want to help and they can't and so they say no and they feel really bad saying no this is with any type of help you know when i've run workshops and trainings and i do rejection exercises they think of something you really need help with go up to your partner ask for help partner say no and make it hurt and for many of us it's very hard to say no and make it hurt intentionally um and then i do this okay first partner respond with the three steps truth fair play in love and then afterwards I find the people who did the rejecting can feel so bad and they immediately come up and they say no no no but like I really want to help you and like I didn't mean that it's just part of the exercise and so it can be really hard on us to say no to people um even even if there's no way for us to help or even if it stretches ourselves, we often want to give more to other people than we want to give to ourselves And so when we ask somebody to give to us any type of help, it can...

Make them, they might give it, but then feel bad about giving it. Or they might say no and feel bad about saying no. Or they might ignore us because they feel so bad. Sometimes people will feel grateful that we asked. I was reading a story today about, I think it was a woman or something that was in, I think she was swimming in the Gulf of Mexico or something. She thought there was a steady thing. She slipped, she fell, she hurt her back. And she was lying in bed for like a month or two. And doing her work, she was a journalist. She could submit articles from her bed. And then something like a friend came by just to check on her and look through the window and saw her lying. And she craned her neck just to look. And the person was like, what the fuck? Let me just swear because that's human. And I was like, what the fuck? And he was like, what are friends for if you are hurting and you're not asking for help? If you need help and you don't ask for your friends, what kind of friends are they in other words i want to help you if you need help and it doesn't always mean if you're broken but if you're trying to chase for a dream and you need help to get that dream i want you to ask me because i care about you and often it's giving me an opportunity to help, And so it can go both ways. So if we ask people, they can feel bad. If we don't ask people, they can feel bad.

And when it comes to asking for financial help, I think maybe the big kicker with financial help is that it is such versatile help.

If I ask someone to help me move a couch, moving a couch is very simple. Like I need your human body to come over here and help me pick up this heavy object and we maneuver it through a house. It's very specific. But if I ask, hey, can you give me money? Even if I say, hey, can you give me money for a specific task? Maybe it's I am moving a couch. I know you can't lift the couch. Hey, can you give me money so I can pay people to come in and move the couch?

That's maybe less fear in asking for that. But then there's maybe like, well, are you really going to spend the money on that? But I think even more fear of asking for the generic money. Hey, can you just give me money? I need some money to achieve maybe even this very generic thing. Like I have this dream. I don't know what it looks like yet. Um, will you please give me money to support this? Or the most generic one, Hey, will you please give me money? Because I need some money right now. Um, Hey, how many people in our life, how many of us would actually ask other people for that? Asking for money, no strings attached. How many of us has the courage to deal, with all the emotions that might come up from that, because it brings up so many emotions, so many deeply held beliefs, so much of our own, like, well, should I give money to this person, not to me or to the other person? Like, why should I give that to them? Are they deserving of it? So many conversations can come up, so many feelings. How many of us really have the courage to even ask our closest friends or family members for this type of financial support, let alone to ask strangers.

Now, even me talking about this as a concept might really piss off some people because for them, it is so deeply embedded that one should never, ever ask anyone for financial help. And they may not see it as, um, kind of a fear. They might see it as a moral duty, uh, like to be a fully human being to be a strong human, et cetera, et cetera. Like deep moral, religious, spiritual belief that one should never ask other people for help, especially financial help.

But does that mean that we shouldn't do it? I don't know. I think that even within them, There is a deep fear, deep fear of asking for any type of help. Some of these people give the most amount of help that I know. They love to help. They love to offer help to people. How may I help you? How can I help you? But rarely, if ever, will you help me? Will you help me with this? Will you help me financially? Hi, yeah, yeah. Will you give me money? Hi, yeah, yeah. And so...

Yeah, I think it's so hard on us when we go around giving help to other people and we don't ask help from other people. We have to give. In order to give help, we need to ask for help. We need to receive it, but we need to ask it. When we ask to give help to somebody else, we can ask to receive help from somebody else. It's okay.

And I just hope that we get the courage to do this. and I was talking to a guy earlier today, he said, if you want people to get better at this stuff, maybe you have to start doing it first. So I am curious to see how this goes. I have done it over the years. I have done it for short periods of time, meaning like one post and then huge tidal wave of response to it. And then I stop. And then maybe six months or a year, two years later, I get the courage to do another post and then a huge tidal wave of emotion and internal conflict. and then I stop. So part of me is just curious to see, well, if I actually believe we need to live in a world where people have the courage to ask other people for help, including financial help, then maybe I need to lead by example and take the punches and take the blows and hope that people start to see that this is very important. And it's okay as an individual to ask other people for financial help and to receive that financial help and to not receive it. Other people don't have to give it. It's also okay for people to not give it. It's fine. It's actually prefer. If you don't want to give, don't give. And to learn how to deal with these things because it's a part of life. Asking for help and receiving help and choosing to give or not to give is a part of life. So many of us don't have a lot of practice. So many of us run away from these situations or condemn them. But what if we just started practicing and learning how to deal with these things. So is this me committing to start asking people for financial help and not, uh, quitting?

Hey, let's see how it goes. All right. Talk to y'all tomorrow. Bye.