DailyJim: Maybe resolutions fail because we focus on the outcome and not the process

Hello everyone, welcome to another Daily Gym. This is the episode for Wednesday, January 1st, 2025. I am a few hours after, so I may slur from my tiredness, not from any drunkenness, just tiredness.

Today I want to talk about maybe resolutions fail because we focus on the outcome and not the process, outcomes and not the processes, or the outcome and not the process.

Speaking of process, this will be a fun one tonight.

I spent a good portion of the day thinking about what I was going to talk about tonight. And it just got delayed and delayed and delayed and delayed and delayed and even more delayed, thinking about, okay, what is the perfect way to start the new years? What is the perfect way to describe the goal that I'm trying to achieve with what I do? Because you think, and I think it's very reflective of how we often go into a resolution for the new year. A lot of people have a resolution of, I want to lose 50 pounds, or I want to go to the gym 30 days straight, or like I want to go to the gym every day, or I want to even going to the gym every day. Okay, maybe that's a little more about process-oriented, but there's a lot of resolutions that like I want to stop smoking, or I want to do this, like I want to have this outcome achieved.

And I think sometimes when we focus on only the outcome, we never actually get it done. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a goal or you shouldn't have kind of a direction in which you're going. But I think when I focus on, okay, here's the big outcome that I'm trying to achieve, personally, I just kind of flounder. Now, what I've been reflecting on is this year, should I get better at putting up that big goal and kind of drumming up the excitement of trying to have this huge goal that I'm trying to achieve, that I'm trying to become a world leader, or I'm trying to become someone like Martin Luther King Jr., or should I really kind of put that up there? In some way, it scares me because then I'm almost trying to see myself at a level where I'm not at yet, where I don't think I'm at yet. And then I'm so focused on how far away I am from the goal that I stop focusing on the process.

And I was talking with a friend a couple of weeks ago, maybe it was last week.

Oh, you know, about teaching classes, because I want everyone to learn these skills on how to deal with conflict and emotional combat. And I thought, but what I've done over and over and over again, probably since 2012, end of 2012, is that I've built tools to help me get better in dealing with emotions. Better at resolving conflict, better at articulating how I feel, better at being more aware of the conflicts that are happening in me and with other people, more aware of the emotions that are happening. That wasn't so much the goal that I set out to achieve. It was, maybe it was a very generic direction of, I am trying to do things that help me. Build tools, figure out little tricks and practices that help me that I want to continue to do and try figuring out different processes and processes, processes, if I want to go a bit Canadian. But, Yeah, and I think I was putting so much pressure on myself going into this about having this big launch and having the big presence and having this huge lofty goal that would drum up 2025 excitement and rally all these people. And then a part of me is like, whoa, do I really want a tsunami? Like a tsunami right now, I don't know if I can handle that wave. Maybe I need to start surfing on a smaller wave. Maybe I just need to let the momentum build up. And as one ex-girlfriend said to me, she said, you know, you're kind of a slow burn. You know, the more people interact with you, the more they get really, you know, the fire catches. I was like, ah. So maybe that is the approach that I take. I don't know, maybe other people like the Elon Musks and some of the startup founders are very good at coming up with this, we're going to save the world narrative and really launching towards the huge vision and pushing it really hard. Maybe I can do that. Maybe I'm just afraid to do it. I don't know. I'm curious to explore that a little more. But I think maybe I get so stuck on like, what is the singular vision that I need to have. But I'm so focused on this distant future and I stop doing the present activities. I stop going out and doing the physical and emotional exercises and drills that I've come up with to help me feel more healthy. What I call like yon yoga, what I call these emotional drills.

Like these different reflection drills, different stretches that I do, different types of physical balance exercises. I just haven't done them lately. It's because I get so focused on, well, how do I come up with the big story that's going to convince people that this is big enough and important enough, And, um.

Sometimes it's just about doing the thing, just about doing the thing, just about getting up. Yeah. You can say, okay, maybe I want to run a marathon. Okay. It's great. You want to run a marathon. The more you focus, it's okay. Do I want to run this marathon or that marathon or this marathon? Like focusing too much on which marathon you want to run and, and which time of the year you want to run it. And this is like, no, just start training, you know, start going out, start walking, start, you know, start doing the practice, start doing the activities. And hell, sometimes you don't even need the marathon as the goal. You can just get out and start running. You can say, you know, I just want to start running. Focus on the verb, not the noun. Focus on the thing, the doing, not the achieving. And this sounds like an episode I'm sure I've recorded before. But sometimes these lessons take a long time to learn, especially when I'm not focused on the learning. I'm focused on the having learned. Oh, I definitely recorded an episode about this before.

And so, yeah, I didn't really know what to record today because I got so stuck in trying to figure out what's the perfect thing to record. What's the perfect resolution? What's the perfect way to start the year? And honestly, I just want to start the year by training myself right now in all these different drills, especially in emotional combat, and just get out there and demonstrate these skills for the world. And for the world doesn't mean this huge lofty goal. It means connecting with people emotionally when I go to the grocery store. It means having the courage to have the hard conversation with a family member or, you know, having the hard, you know, showing up and having that conversation. It means letting myself rest and prioritizing sleep.

It means.

Yeah asking people for help instead of focusing on the how much i want to help i want to receive how much money i want to receive how much what's the story for telling people it's like why not just ask people for help why not focus on the process of asking yeah so i guess what i'm excited about for this year is just doing things and um, and staying focused on the present and staying focused on the doing of things, and uh less on kind of what i want to have done um if that makes any sense so, nothing quite like a very late night rambling to start off the year but uh one thing i want to do is i want to sleep better this year so i want to focus on sleeping i don't i don't know if I put that in the verb or the noun form, but I can reflect on that tomorrow. All right, take care.