DailyJim: Just one more and standing up to peer pressure

Hello everyone, welcome to another Daily Gym. This is the episode for Monday, July 8th, 2024. Today I want to talk about just one more and fighting against peer pressure. So, I admittedly have had a few beers tonight, so I'm curious to record this after a few beers. But the idea is um i've noticed it here in kenya but i noticed in other places as well there can be some peer pressure to continue drinking ah just have one more i just want to stay out a little bit later just one more this is and how it can be a balance between respecting what other people want and respecting what we want and negotiating that middle ground in some ways and i think a lot of times we give in to what other people want and there's a lot of peer pressure to give in to what other people want if somebody wants to stay longer therefore we should stay longer because that's. Being respectful and i remember i got into a conversation once um i went to a picnic in LA with a girl I was dating and we met some of her family there and some of her distant family and this one guy tried to make drink for me and it was around the time I had just started to not I said I was going to take one month of not drinking alcohol it's probably like a couple days or a week into it and a guy said I'm gonna make you drink I said listen I don't want an alcoholic drink. I told myself I'm going to take a month off of drinking alcohol. It's just been a week. He says, man, come on. You're new here. You don't know the culture. We don't know who you are. So I'm going to make you a drink. I said, listen, man, I understand.

I'm open to another drink or something, but I'm not going to take an alcoholic drink because I made this promise to myself. He's like, man, how are we supposed to trust you? At some point, he said, ah, it's about respect.

And.

Take the drink from you and drink the alcoholic drink. I am respecting you, but I'm disrespecting myself because I made a promise to myself that I'm not going to do this for a month. So my question is, how can I respect myself and respect you at the same time? And the guy, I think, walked away, kind of shut up, didn't really know what to say. And I think it's this balance. I think sometimes people in my life have told me that I'm not good at compromising. But they're overlooking how I actually just compromised and gave and gave and gave until I said, I'm done giving. It's fine. I understand you want this. I want this other thing. And I have negotiated and I said, okay, I'll do it a little bit. I'll do it a little bit. And now I've reached the point where I'm no longer going to give. And for me, that isn't a demonstration of compromising and negotiating. And I think sometimes other people don't see it that way and continue to push? And how do we learn to stand up and say, okay, I understand you want that. I want this other thing. And maybe we can negotiate for a little bit. Maybe I'll give in a little bit. But at some point, I am not going to continue to give what you want and sacrifice what I want. And that's, I think, okay. I think there's this balance, this back and forth of caring about what other people want and caring about what we want. And sometimes those are in conflict. And I just think sometimes culture overwhelmingly tells us we should do what other people want or we should do what the culture wants and what the group wants instead of doing what we want. Not every single time. Again, it's a negotiation. It's a balance. There is compromise in there. But I think sometimes, at least I've experienced in my life, people will tell me, you're not compromising. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm just not doing what you want me to do every single time. But if I'm doing what you want me to do every single time, that's not compromising. I see that as sacrificing. And so for me, I think there's a difference between compromising and negotiating and sacrificing and always sacrificing. Sacrificing and so i just i wonder how it is in your lives as well like how often do you get peer pressured into doing something you don't want to do and maybe you do it for a little bit and you're like okay i'm fine i'll do it for a little i understand but then there's pressure to continue to do it more and more and at some point you reach a breaking point you say no i'm done like this is not what i want i want to do this other thing and the person says oh why are you doing this other the thing you don't care about me you're just like maybe i care about you but i also care about myself and.

I think it's one of the hardest things to do because, man, there can be so much pressure. Oh, you don't care about this person. Oh, you need to show this. You need to show that. How could you do this? So like, what kind of person are you? They're like, really? Come on. I'm sorry. I understand you want this and I want this thing and it's fine. I'm not going to force you to want what I want, but I'm also not going to force myself to want what you want. There is.

Yeah. So I wonder how much this impacts your life as well, because I imagine it plays out differently in different cultures and in groups around the world. Maybe it's not so much about having another beer, or maybe it's about staying later. Maybe it's about eating more food. Maybe it's about having more sex. Maybe it's about working longer hours. Maybe it's about who knows what sometimes i think there are lots of different aspects in which we peer pressure people into doing things that they don't want to do um and then when they don't do what we want we say ah but you're just so stubborn you're not compromising it's like well maybe we're also being stubborn maybe we're also not compromising and that can we get to the point where we really want to understand what the other person wants and have a deeper discussion about it and be on the same team and say, listen, okay, I will do this for a little bit, but then no. Or asking somebody, will you do this for a little bit? Because I really want you to do this just for a little bit more. And then after that, it's fine. We can do what you want. I just, yeah, I just wonder how often these negotiations don't actually take place, or we think that the other person is not negotiating with us and is just forcing us to do what they want. I don't know. So that's the reflection for today. I will talk to you all tomorrow, because I would like to get some water and some sleep. All right, ciao.