DailyJim: Do people who love to earn a living hate to receive help?

Hello everyone, welcome to another Daily Gym. Today is Monday, October 29th, 2024, and I'm going to ask a question today, maybe controversial.

Do people who love to earn a living hate to receive help?

So i have heard over the years how people will tell me that receiving financial help without, doing something directly for it is how do i put it i think they call it immoral they call it.

Disgusting, maybe not disgusting, but they say it's wrong. They say one should not do that. And then they often come back and say, you have to earn your money. You have to earn your living.

And I think what gets me is that, again, I've talked about this before, some of these people are very generous in terms of giving to others. Um so they're not saying like so they will give to others and they're not saying that other person needs to earn it maybe they do i think sometimes maybe they only give to others if that other person has earned it um but uh i don't think so i think it's more about them earning the money, them earning the love oh that's a deeper one that love is conditional when they receive it they they give it much more unconditionally, but they almost believe that for them to receive it, it has to be conditioned. It has to be connected to directly to something that they've done.

I don't know. And I wonder if this is like a deep, deep issue with a lot of culture, a lot of people.

That we can give with no strings attached, but we sure as hell can't receive with no strings attached. It must be a trick. I've seen this because I like to give. And so I've seen this with other people. They're like, especially in romantic relationships. They're like, are you tricking me? Is this a love bomb? Is this going to stop? Like, what do you actually want? What do you actually want from me? I'm like, what are you talking about? I just want to give this. And they're like, no, no, no, no. I don't know, I think you want something. It's like, and I think, we can see receiving with no strings attached as almost too good to be true sometimes. Like, I don't think this is... And maybe it creates a relationship burden or we start to feel guilt and we start to feel a deeper relationship with that person. Maybe we don't want that. So if we just earn it from a transactional business perspective, then the relationship ends. And arguably, that's one of the, I'd say, selling points of a transactional interaction is that both people can go their own way afterwards, or at least think that we're going our own way.

That's if it's completely balanced and, you know, one person gets exactly what the other person, you know, gives. Or sorry, whatever, if it balances out completely. I just don't think it always balances completely. And so when I go back to it, I'm like, I'm wondering why do people have this deep, I need to earn it. And I think it is that matching perspective. When receiving, some of us want to match. When giving, some of us want to just give. We don't want to be matchers. We want to be givers. But when we're receiving, maybe we're so afraid that people will perceive us as takers, that we only receive and we don't give, that we say, no, no, no, no. I'm a matcher. I'm an earner. I don't, I don't just take. If I take, I must give in return equal, equal and opposite amount.

And how much do we deny other people to give us things, to give us freely, if we must earn it? That means if they give us something, then we have to do something immediately to cancel it out, to balance it. And that can actually hurt.

So I wonder, kind of, I don't know. I think this is a much deeper issue. I think it's actually really deep. The more I talk to people about these things, business model of me giving freely and then letting other people give freely to me or receiving freely. Ha, yeah, yeah. Some people are like, no, you need to earn it. I mean, it can get really, like touch a really deep nerve. I think it can be such a core issue for people. And again, I think it comes back to people just...

Being so terrified to receive something, to receive love. I actually stumbled on a book called Receiving Love. Really curious to check out one or two of the chapters, like how so many of us are blocked. So many of us put up walls to receiving love, because we're terrified of receiving different types of love. And I was reading through some of the inventory, and on there I was like, oh, I can receive that, I can receive that. Yeah, no problem receiving that. I want to receive that. Uh-huh. It's okay to receive that. Money? Uh-uh. No, it's not okay to receive money. Like there's something deep within me growing up in kind of the capitalist American society in the suburbs, you know, good at school, you know, got my good grades and so therefore did well. And there's something deep in me. It's like, no, no, no, I can't just receive money. To be a successful human being in the American society or in human society, one must earn the money. Because the only people who have received money for free are the poor. The people who cannot earn it because the highest value is to earn the money.

I don't know. I don't really know if that is the highest value.

Is it? Is that what we're striving for? There's a talk by Marshall Rosenberg who does non-violent communication, which I love. This talk is about money. It's on YouTube.

And I'm not going to be able to quote it properly, but he basically said that, what a shame it would be to live in a world where people only give things that can help others if the others pay for them, if the others give them money in return. He even told an example of sometimes when he goes to Africa, I think West Africa somewhere, Sierra Leone, and he'd be running a workshop. And he said, sometimes the people who want to take my workshop can't come because if they come, their kids at home won't have breakfast, won't have food. And so he says, sometimes when people take my workshops, I even give money to them so that they can come to the workshop, so that I can give them the workshop.

Which is almost the opposite. He says he gives money to people, or he gives services to people, and he says, this is what I would like to receive, and asks if they would like to give. It's funny, I'm almost doing his voice. And he had an assistant that would set up his calendar, and he said the assistant would always set it up for two hours, even though he would only do one hour for the training. The assistant said, yeah, but then it takes you another hour to explain how you deal with money.

And, yeah, I think it can be such a foreign concept to people. But I think it's because the more emotionally closed off, the more we want to earn, the more we want to balance and have these transactional relationships. But the more that we open up our hearts, the more that we resolve conflict, the deeper we connect to ourselves, the deeper we connect to others. And we want to help because we care about them, because we realize they're a human being that's struggling in this world. They have so many fights and conflicts that are happening in their lives, and we want to just be able to help as much as we can.

And sometimes we even help them. We give them help, whether that's money, whether that's attention, whether that's skills and training, presence, all these things. Sometimes we give them to other people, even if they don't want to receive them. We're like, no, no, no, no, I'm giving this to you anyways. They're like, no, no, but I need to pay you back. You're like, no. And so, yeah, so I think it's okay to receive without giving something back immediately. I actually think it's a sign of a deeper love. Again, not only receiving, but receiving and giving. I think to do that is a very loving relationship. And a very loving relationship with another person, with ourselves, with the world in general. And so yeah i think i'm gonna piss off a lot of people because i want to have that loving relationship and they're not in that space and so they may see it as immoral they may see it as um yeah wrong but hopefully one day they'll start getting to that place themselves and they.

Start to see the benefit not only giving generously but also receiving generously, or letting other people give to us. So that's 10 minutes. I got to make these shorter. All right, I'll talk to you all tomorrow. Bye.